Humpchies

Humpchies.com

Well, I guess I will have to go out on a limb here and say that Humpchies sounds like the kind of site where you go to hump some sort of fried food. Who’s to say that’s too far out? You? Chill out, bro. There are some pretty freaky souls out there and you might not be too dialed in as to what they like to do to get the cum spraying in every direction!

Anyway, Humpchies is a Canadian escort site. That means it has all the sexy escorts you ever dreamed of, who can keep you warm all winter and cook your goose in the summer too! Buckle in and read up on my Humpchies com review!

A Hump Here Is Kinda Costly!

Got a dick you want to slot into a convenient opening? Well, that will cost you on Humpchies com. You didn’t think that the escorts on this Canada escort site were giving it up for free, did you?

Anyway, prices here vary as to be expected and not all escorts take the time or trouble to list how much they are willing to charge to let you jam your boner in them and pump them full of as much jism as their cunts can carry!

Take a Montreal escort called Camille Haring for example. She charges $350 and is a plump, and heavily tattooed independent escort who’s willing to toot on your snake, cater to your fetishes, masturbate you, striptease for you, massage your prostrate, dominate you and fuck you senseless with a strapon. There is no indication as to whether the $350 she charges is per hour or two hours, but the former appears to be the case. 350 Canadian translates to around 276 USD, which means this girl is a little pricey.

Thankfully though, of the escorts here that do state prices in their profiles, the average fee charged appears to be $200. I did come across a First Nation escort that charged $100 for an hour, which is pretty cheap, but in general, I would suggest that you set aside at least 200 Canadian dollars for an hour's worth of poking into the escorts on this site.

In case you are pretty bad at maths, 200 CAD equals around 158 USD or so. That is much the same as what you would pay for escorts in the states. So if you live in the US, there appears to be no convincing reason to jump into Canada just to drill the escorts there. But then I have heard that Canadian escort pussy can be mighty cold, so there’s that!

Lovely Escorts With Lovely Curves!

I don’t know how many escorts are on Humpchies.com. Escort profiles are arranged in a vertical format and there are around 25 escort profiles per page. I would say there are thousands if not tens of thousands of escorts here and I should know since I checked out 45 pages filled with escort profiles, before getting tired of the whole deal.

Know the freaky part of all this? The 45th page I just mentioned had escort profiles that were apparently submitted around eleven hours ago. Yes, all escort profiles have the time they were submitted listed and if the 45th page has profiles submitted less than a half-day ago, this indicates there may be more than a hundred pages of escort profiles to be had on Humphries. That’s a shit ton if you are counting!

Now, escort profiles on this escort site Canada are detailed enough. The information given in each can vary widely though. Each profile lists the name of the escort if she has any, the category she falls into, the city she’s in, the time the profile ad was posted on the site, and a very short description that might include a phone number. Also posted will be a Share button and this lets you share any escort profile of your choice on your Twitter page.

Once you click on an escort profile, you get access to a lot of information you wouldn’t be able to see otherwise. Some escort profiles have a map that lets you find their approximate location, while others have a review page where fellas that banged them can either sing their praises or curse them for not being worth the money.

Of course, all escort profiles have image galleries. The images shown vary widely in quality, however, with most being amateur selfies and few of professional quality. Talking of quality, the majority of escorts here do not appear to be high-class. I would assess the quality as average at best, though there are some I would take as my concubine once I am made the absolute ruler of my country!

This includes Mlle Elsa, a rather lovely young lady with a slim build, curvy rear, ass like hot buns, legs so good they wouldn’t fit on a goddess, and an oval face. Unfortunately, this Quebec escort does not show her face, but what I have seen of it convinces me that she’s pretty enough to be gifted my heart forevermore!

Elsa is 24-years old, 5’8”, and wears size 32DD bras. She performs erotic massages and there is a nice slew of reviews on her profile testifying to her charms and expertise. I have something long and one-eyed that really could do with an oily massage from her!

Another escort I felt something hard for went by the name of Audrey. Her face is not shown, but her body for sure could make the walls of Jericho and all its men faint dead away for the second time in living memory! Audrey is an independent Quebec escort who does anal, GFE, strapon, prostrate massages, fetishes, face fuck, squirting, BJ, and more. I don’t think she has limits and I don’t think my cock ever wanted to be deeper inside an escort Canada!

Anyway, lest I forget, there are lots of ads on each escort profile and the homepage too. These can be distracting. Also, once you click on any escort profile, you will find a few more escort ads farther down. But the sweetest feature of them all is that all escort profiles have a Next and Previous button. This lets you quickly browse from escort to escort and is much appreciated. Also, you can report ads, comment on any ad, and add an ad to your favorite list, but only if you are signed in.

Hump A Day For The Greater Good!

I don’t know about you, but a hump a day never hurts anyone and will result in folks being on cloud nine so much they no longer have the energy to go rob banks and do all the bad things in the book! But that’s a story for another day.

Well, Humpchies sure is a big site and that’s always a good thing. It does have a profusion of XXX doll escort ads on the homepage and these seem to be available for hourly hires. Exactly why a fella would go to an escort Canada site to hire XXX dolls remain unexplained.

Anyway, the site has a lot of main tabs and a background of black. At the top right of the page are the Escorts, Agencies, Erotic Massages, and Massage Parlors tabs and these perform content filtering options by letting you and others sort through escorts that offer these specific kinds of services. There’s also a login and registration tab on the right, plus a search bar, with registration being free and fast. You can register as a member or just to run an ad here. Other tabs include Mature, Anal, Independent, MILF, Asian, BBW, Latina, Fountain, Domination, Pipe, Big Tits, and Real Photos.

As you might have figured out by now, some stuff on this escort Canada site is in French and doesn’t translate too well. This includes both escort ads and homepage things. That’s why the Fountain tab makes little sense, unless it is talking about escort with fountains where their cunts should be!

So, beneath all these tabs is an impressive set of search bars. The one on the left lets you search for Canadian escorts by their city name, while the other is far more extensive. This lets you look for escorts by whether they are available for incalls or outcalls or both, plus the different services they offer, like striptease, domination, and anal. You can essentially use these two search bars to root out all the escorts in a city like Ontario who are offering up their buttholes to fellas who want to stretch these to the maximum!

Now, escort ads on the site are listed vertically, one at a time. The site also has flashy ads advertising this and that, plus a nice set of usability features. I wouldn’t say it is the best escort site Canada that I have seen, but it does have possibilities.

What We Think of Humpchies

Well, Humpchies is quite the surprise! I wasn’t expecting much from the site, but it impressed me in its way. The advanced search functionality and the diversity of escorts is what I love most here. Non-escort ads and spam are a turn-off though and the site design could use an update.

Overall, I am recommending this site and sticking it to Audrey as soon as possible!